I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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