I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
