You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
