we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
