OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
