I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
