Define "chronic" masturbator.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
