clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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