i think my mom watched the whole time
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
