Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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