Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
