I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
