Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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