Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
