how can u be prego again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
