Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
