if i can run in heels then i can drive
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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