i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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