READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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