i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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