I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
