people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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