First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
