i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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