Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
