Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
