she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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