Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
