Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
a search helicopter?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
