2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
