you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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