The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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