I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dude. I can hear the air.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
