i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
