I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
