You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
