I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize