If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
