after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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