According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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