Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
