I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
