i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
