Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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