god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
