Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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