I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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