who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
