I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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