someone owes me an orgasm
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
