I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
