his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
