I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
