make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
