she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
