Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
