dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
