So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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