I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
