what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize