The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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