dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
