He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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