Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
