did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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