She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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