best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
