Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
