I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
