Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
