can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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