Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
