I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
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