so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
