So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
