I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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