So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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