Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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