I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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